How to Tell People No

How to Tell People No

If you were looking for a sign, you have arrived. Stop saying yes to shit you hate. You are not the doctor. You owe no one. We are seventeen days into the new year, and it’s never too late to make a change and to stop saying yes to things that add too much to your plate or that take away too much of our joy. It’s not selfish. It is about balance and reciprocity.

On that note, conversations must be had. Conversations about giving and taking; hearing and relating. A sharing of ideas, feelings, and above all, ENERGY. I no longer allow anyone to bully my energy from me. My power is distributed as I see fit, and at 45 years old, I trust myself to know what is appropriate. I am loving and kind, but I can not allow ANYONE to steal my joy. I have worked too hard for my peace. The details of my journey are not for everyone. But above all things, I am a WARRIOR FOR MY SANITY AND PEACE.  I am sure my boundaries have appeared rude at some point. I can guarantee that if I am ever rude, it is because my charming stop signs have been REPEATEDLY blown through. I had to ask people to check their energy before calling me. I have had to advise family and friends that they must respect my request to discuss a matter at another time. Those requests come at times that I am already full. Respecting my boundaries is what love feels like to me.

In life, we have to accept that it’s not only about us. We ALL have important things going on in our lives. Your needs, wants, and desires should not perpetually override the happiness of the people around you. I am an empathetic person, and I absorb people’s energies quickly. I have accepted this about myself, and I have also learned how to protect myself. Sometimes it’s as simple as a conversation. Attacks from others are rarely, if ever, physical but no less damaging.  Those attacks from our family and friends are probably unintentional; however, self-absorbed people will often not notice how they affect others.

So! Now, please repeat after me. “No is a complete sentence.” One word. Practice. Say it a few times in the mirror. You will need to say this one-word sentence more often this year to make yourself a priority.

So, ok? Go. Say it. “No.”

Ok, that’s good but smile this time. “No.” This time, say it firmly, but not like you’re angry. “NO.” Because you’re not mad, it’s merely time. Your time. You have things to do, and your eagerness to help others is holding you back. Your helping is quite possibly your fears manifesting as procrastination. What if your help is a subconscious defense mechanism to your fear of succeeding? What if what you think is helpful hinders those you assist from the lessons and growth they need? How often have you watched people continue to stumble well after you stepped in to save them? How often has your “help” actually changed the trajectory of someone’s life in a not-so-positive way? And more importantly, did they even ask you for help?

Think about it. If you’ve spent your life, the last year, last week, and probably yesterday helping everyone else and not working on your gifts, have you REALLY helped anyone? What the world needs more than anything are examples of dreams fulfilled.

Self-care doesn’t mean you should never help anyone. It’s ok to hold your fellow man’s hand, but when handholding prevents you from creating and those you help from growing, it is time to face your fears and ask yourself if helping is an excuse for your fear of failure? Or the even scarier fear of success? Only you know for sure. Take some time to explore your roadblocks.

Put on your mask first, and then, if you can, assist those around you. Helping should not feel like it’s too much or diminish your light.

Stop taking on extra assignments. Push through and get back to doing what’s best for you.


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