Hopefully, you have noticed the tag line for The Perfect Lemonade. If not, it is Joy, Happiness and Resilience. Why these three things? Because they are essential for mental stability and a successful life. When we have joy it is easier to be happy. Resilience helps us to obtain and maintain our joy and happiness. While joy and happiness appear to be the same, when we look closer they are not.
Joy is gladness not based on circumstance. Joy is consistent and cultivated internally. It is self-centered but not selfish. Joy is when our chakras are aligned, and we are balanced. Joy is held within and is distinctly separate from any person place or thing. It is not dependent on the weather, lover, family, children, or supervisor. When we are joyous we know that everything is happening for our betterment and never to wound us. A tough time is instead a welcome lesson. And while joy is based on nothing, the level of joy we have in our lives affects everything. When we are without joy, we are constantly searching for something to make us happy. However, when we are joyous, even simple things can make us happy.
While happiness and joy often work hand in hand; happiness cannot replace joy. When lacking joy people feel empty. And they attempt to fill that emptiness with people, places, and things. It’s a constant search for happiness. There are two reasons for that. Joy must be in place to really understand happiness. Because happiness is not a permanent state of being and therefore is impossible to bring about a state of completion. What makes us happy is unique to each individual and infinite. It is easier to define what happiness is not versus what it is. One thing that seems clear about happiness is that “happy” people are happy more often than people we see as mostly unhappy. It is an error to assume that happy people are without worry or stress. Being happy does not mean that your life is perfect. Being happy means that instead of looking at life’s challenges as an attack they are a lesson.
According to Positive Psychology; happiness is defined as a fleeting, changeable state of contentment that is not an internal or external experience but can be both. Think about that. That is nothing like what we have been told about happiness. We have been given the impression that we’re supposed to be happy all the time. Is it possible to be in a state of happiness even when we are not outwardly expressing it? Well according to the two basic concepts of happiness you may be.
The two basic concepts regarding the types of happiness (or well-being) are:
1. Hedonic happiness/well-being is happiness that is a result of experiencing more pleasure and less pain. It also involves satisfaction with one’s life.
2. Eudaimonic happiness/well-being is happiness that is a result of the pursuit and attainment of life purpose, meaning, challenge and personal growth. Happiness is based on reaching one’s full potential.
Inside the many theories about happiness there are similarities: :
1. Happiness comes from many things. genes, in part, determine our happiness.
2. Being happy is good.
3. The pursuit and attainment of pleasure will rarely lead to happiness.
4. Happiness is not a constant state of being.
Being able to define your happiness as an individual is imperative to living a fulfilling life. And to do that we must be able to manage the things that cause us to become unhappy. We are better able to do that when we have resilience.
Resilience is the process of adapting well and bouncing back from difficult experiences. It involves behaviors, thoughts and actions that can be learned and developed in anyone. In fact, resilience is considered a trait that is ordinary. When resilient a person has the ability to persevere regardless of the adversity or social disadvantage they face. It is with resilience that we can forgive and move on from the people or things that hinder our growth. Because resilience is a skill it cannot be given to you. Many of our parents meant well when they told us: “you’re alright” or my favorite “you good”. But learning how to regulate our wellbeing doesn’t work that way. What many parents are showing their children is how to cope. There is nothing wrong with learning coping skills. We must crawl before we walk; but coping is surface and temporary. If we will also have a positive attitude, optimism, the ability to regulate emotions, and the ability to see failure as a form of helpful feedback, well then, then, you are resilient. Most importantly when growing, be kind to yourself. Self-compassion increases well-being. You can hold yourself accountable without being mean. Speak to yourself the way you speak to your favorite people.
Above anything we are spiritual beings having a human experience. Mastery and acceptance of our humanity is the greatest challenge on our journey. But, it is worth it. Joy, happiness, and resilience may help.
Comment below. What brings you joy? What makes you happy? How did you learn about resilience?